University of the Philippines. BA Business Economics.
eight random thoughts at eight p.m.
i. stop trying too hard. you’re fine the way you are. you don’t need to change. you don’t need to be friends with the “cool kids.” you don’t need to wear branded clothes and have the latest gadgets. be yourself. you’re awesome.
ii. i don’t like how you interrupt people in the middle of their conversations. or how you talk like you know everything. i don’t like how judgmental you are or how you roll your eyes at every single fucking thing. i don’t like how you always feel the need to call attention to yourself. maybe it’s not your fault who you are. maybe you can’t help being like this. but that does not change the fact that i do not fucking like you.
iii. i don’t know if i could ignore the mistakes you did in the past. and i don’t know if i should. maybe there’s no such thing as “moving on.”
iv. still, i don’t feel like i belong with you guys. it’s like i’m an insignificant little freak. my absence would always go unnoticed. and my silence would never be an issue. so maybe i should just steer clear from you all? it’s probably for the best.
v. i love you so freaking much i would let you eat the last slice of pizza without so much as a second thought.
vi. i miss you terribly. we used to hang out every day and now we barely talk to each other. you’re one of my most favorite persons in the whole world and it sucks that we’re too far apart. we have some serious catching up to do.
vii. when i remember you, i mentally scold myself for being so incredibly stupid. my actions were stupid. my thoughts were stupid. everything i did was stupid. i was so fucking unaware of my imbecilic ways. you were a fucking asshole. why did i fail to see that?
viii. the way you treat me makes me feel inferior. i am perfectly capable of knowing my mistakes. you don’t need to point it out for me. i’m not that obtuse. you don’t know me and you don’t know my reasons. so shut the fuck up and deal with your own shit.
How can I describe the feeling I get when I’m with you? It’s not as simple as rounding up a bunch of adjectives and stringing them into coherent sentences. You deserve more than what my simple mind could ever come up with.
There is not a single word that would come close to what I feel. Happiness, elation, joy. Those are but mere candles to my raging fire of emotions.
Being with you is like a breath of fresh air after being stuck in a cold and humid room. It’s like the first drop of rain after experiencing stifling heat during summer. It’s like going to bed after a long and tiring day. Or taking off high heels after wearing them for hours. It’s like drinking hot chocolate during the cold or staying under some shade when the sun is at its peak. I could give about a hundred similes and it still wouldn’t be enough.
Your presence. It’s one of my most favorite things in the world. You’re a break from everything that’s wrong with my life. You bring ecstasy and relaxation. You bring temporary memory lapses wherein I forget everything but us.
I’m starting college in fifteen days (hence the UP hoodie) and I’ve never been more excited. And scared. My mind has been on a working hiatus since April so I don’t think I can get myself ready in time. I’ve been so used to high school and the ways of a student from CHST. UP, for sure, is going to be 100% different. Anyways, I’m positive that college life is going to be a strange yet fun encounter for me. And I cannot wait for it to start.
Hey there!! Omg thank you!! That is so not stalker-ish. It’s really sweet. Hihihi. Anyways, I don’t follow a lot of personal blogs. But here are some of my favorites
(in no particular order). :)
- Random Rambles
- GOING LIGHTLY
- Unicorn in Confetti
- The Anomalous
- The Tale of a Legendary Boy
- Chasing Paris
- Of Everything & Beyond
070514: Wherein I channel my
disgustingly unstylish inner tomboy
I simply cannot stand all those pink frilly flowery shit that people wear nowadays. They’re too girly and just not me. I’d rather wear comfy oversized shirts and sweaters than crop tops or blouses or whatever you call those things.
REV UP 2014
Instead of being the students
(like last year), Pierre and I are now the teachers! We’ve been procrastinating our way through summer and the days passed by oh so fucking slowly so it's a refreshing change of pace, really.
To be honest, I kinda don’t like the environment outside of the classrooms. Not exactly the physical aspect of the environment though, but more on the social relations and interactions of different kinds of people. I mean don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love helping the students and I get this certain kind of satisfaction from it but when I step outside of the room, I just feel incredibly out of place. If he wasn’t there, I would never have agreed to stay and teach. I couldn’t stand being in a place where I don’t like the actions of some of the people. I practically had to prevent my eyes from rolling every single minute.
In terms of social skills, I absolutely suck. I always refuse to be the first one to speak and whenever some stranger asks me something, I stutter and reply with an awkward answer. Pierre, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. And I love that about him. He was the thing that kept me there. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve left the fucking place and all the fucking people in it.
Oh and we had sad faces on in the photo because we were tired from teaching and walking around and all that shit. Meh.
random thoughts, opinions and unnecessary things
- My friends have started college already and I am so freaking jealous, it’s not even funny anymore.
- Meanwhile, I have taken to staying in bed all day, enjoying more than my fair share of junk food and tv series, spending almost every single day in bed. This routine has become excruciatingly boring.
- I have watched and re-watched all my favorite movies and all my favorite shows. I find it pathetic that I actually ran out of things to do but the effort I put in trying out different activities had ended up futile.
- My school bus still passes by my house every day and it makes me sad and a little bit nostalgic. It was my ride to and from school for a decade and now it just seems so painful to let that ratty old bus go.
- Oh what I wouldn’t give to be back in grade school, hanging out at playgrounds and bowers, swinging at the top of monkey bars and just relishing in the simplicity of it all.
Everyday I talk to him and everyday I grow even more fond of him. It’s amazing how one person could go from being a complete stranger to one of the most important people in your life.
- I’m thinking about getting a haircut because dear God, with the way my wild and untamed hair is growing out, I might be giving Hermione Granger a run for her money.
- I miss my old school. I miss my old brown uniform. Apparently my mom gave them away and I don’t think I was even left with at least one goddammit. Those uniforms were concrete proof of my god-awful balance and clumsiness. Over the years, they have attained paint stains, rips, holes, mud spots and other things that I never want to forget.
- My sleeping schedule has been as inconsistent as the weather. Some days, I barely get any rest and some days I sleep for more then twelve hours. It’s unsettling.
- The one thing that pisses me off the most though is that I haven’t done any reading in the past few weeks. And by reading, I mean actually finishing novels and not just starting off determined to finish the whole thing by the end of the day but ending up leaving the book ignored and forgotten.
Ignored and forgotten… Oooh… I wonder what that feels like… *coughs*
- Anyways, this post turned out to be longer than I expected. I doubt any of you guys would read up until this last bullet. I could babble on and on about my extremely uneventful four-month summer but then I would stay up all night typing and we wouldn’t want that now would we. It would be best if I get some shut-eye now. My eyebags are getting more and more prominent. I look like a raccoon.
Wait what why why?